So I love coffee. Absolutely love it. Caffeine is one of the best drugs in the world and boy do I consume a lot of it. But I hate Starbucks. I can't tell you the last time I was in a Starbucks. You know, it was disturbing enough when they put, like, five different Starbucks inside the Mall at Polaris. I think there were like three individual Starbucks shops plus one on each floor of the Great Indoors. There are just too fucking many of them! In fact, I read, recently, that Starbucks just opened a new shop in South Carolina . . . inside a funeral parlor. Yeah, that's right. There's now a Starbucks in a funeral home.
Now at first I was like all of you are. I thought "What the FUCK??? Can Starbucks really sink any lower?" But then after thinking about it for a bit I realized it makes sense. I mean - do you want to be the guy that fell asleep at a funeral? FUCK NO! Everyone's there quietly weeping and you're in a seat, head back, snoring away . . . drool trickling out of the corner of your mouth. You bet your ass you'd be wishing there were a Starbucks.
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