But I'm a parent now and I swear to God I love all my children the same. My youngest is almost three and, sadly, totally in to Dora the Explorer. Anyone ever watch that show? The one with the little Hispanic girl with the backpack that has everything . . . EXCEPT A FUCKING GPS!?!?!?!????? I mean - REALLY? She can pull a damn canoe out of that thing to get across a river but there's no GPS telling her how to avoid the river? You'd think after getting lost so many fucking times her parents would buy her a Garmin or something. Shit - she gets off track more than a pedophile trying to walk a straight line through a playground at recess.
And speaking of Dora's parents - where the fuck are they? I know if my kid came home telling me that he and his "talking monkey" friend were being "stalked" by a" fox" in a "ski mask" I'd be putting him in some serious therapy and I mean fast. Can you say "delusional paranoia"?
And while we're on the subject of pedophiles, can I just say that how glad I am my son's not into The Wiggles. I mean - do we really need our kids wanting to hang out with four old Australian dudes who wear nothing but bright colored clothing to attract little boys and girls? Seriously - the only thing missing from that show is a van with the words "FREE CANDY" duct taped on the side.
What's really scary is that I saw, once, that the Wiggles had become the highest grossing Australian entertainment act, passing Mel Gibson. MEL GIBSON! Apparently to be rich and famous in Australia you can either hate Jews or be a pedophile.
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