Stand Up - Runners Always Find the Dead Body

So I've started running recently, but not outside. No, I'm running inside, on a treadmill, at the gym. I know a lot of people say that running on a treadmill is the most boring thing in the world and, admittedly, it's not particularly exciting. But I don't want to run outside. I don't want to run in the park. Look - you know how it goes. You're watching the news and the "Breaking News" graphic comes up and there's the reporter out in the field and he ALWAYS says this: "A man running in the park today discovered a dead body just off the running trail...." Now I can either be the guy finding the body or I can be the body, and since I don't run very fast chances are I'm gonna be the body. Either way, I don't want a piece of that.