Stand Up - The Problem With Me and Suicide

Here's the problem with me and suicide ... I'm clumsy. I've got, like, zero coordination. If it can be dropped - I'll drop it. If it can be knocked over - I'll knock it over. And I read about these folks who try shooting themselves and miss. Or even worse - the bullet lodges in their brain and doesn't kill them; it just makes them a vegetable. I could even fuck up a sure thing like stepping in front of a bus or semi. I'd step off the curb, into the street, and then I'd trip and fall. My head would hit the pavement but in the wrong lane, so the truck or bus would just run over my legs and I'd be paralyzed ... BUT NOT FUCKING DEAD!!!